LaCroix's Real Monsters
by Terendel
Summary: LaCroix has an interesting Halloween...


Lacroix's Real Monsters  
A Forever Knight/Aaahh! Real Monsters Crossover Story  
by Soulwindow  
  
Disclaimer: The Forever Knight characters belong to James Parriott and Barney Cohen. No infringement is intended. The Real Monsters characters belong to Klasky Csupo Inc. Likewise, no infringement is intended. I will hand the characters back, physically intact. Mentally and emotionally, I make no such promises. The character of Laurene appears with the kind permission of Nancy Taylor (who also very kindly beta-read this tale). If you haven't read her stuff, do so.  
  
For those of you who are not familiar with Ickis and Co., a brief explanation. The three main characters from "Aaahh! Real Monsters" are young monsters in monster school who are learning to scare. Ickis (my favorite) is short, red, with large upright ears. He is sometimes mistaken (much to his embarrassment) for a rabbit. His "scare power" is to grow very large. Oblina looks like a black and white inverted candy cane with huge, very red, lips. Her power is to coil and envelop. Krumm is very short and has no head, so he carries his eyes in his hands. His special power is knock-out armpit odor. Their instructor is the Gromble. What to say about him? Think of him as Lacroix with six legs and you've got enough to go on.  
  
Lacroix's Real Monsters  
  
Lacroix hated Halloween. He hated all the obnoxious kids running around begging for candy. He hated the cheesy costumes, especially the vampire ones with tacky teeth, fake blood, awful capes, and terrible medallions. "Really," he thought to himself. "As if we would have worn anything like the costume jewelry that child has hung around his neck."  
  
What he really wanted to do right now was to go back to the Raven, preferably after draining several of the screaming children racing past him to the next house. Unfortunately, the miniature Aztec priestess he was escorting would not have approved. He glanced down at Laurene and wondered, for at least the thirteenth time (but who's counting) why he had agreed to this.  
  
He sighed as he remembered Nick's frantic call just after sunset.  
  
"Lacroix, I need your help!"  
  
"That may be difficult, Nicholas. To find someone suitable at short notice, without leaving any traces? This may strain even my considerable abilities."  
  
He heard the snort on the other end. "Very funny. That's not what I meant."  
  
"Oh. Then what sort of help did you have in mind?"  
  
The long pause aroused his suspicions.  
  
"Um, well, it's about Laurene..."  
  
"Is she hurt?" He surprised himself with his concern.  
  
"No, no, not that. It's just that, well, we need you to..."  
  
"Get on with it, Nicholas. I do not have all evening!"  
  
Nick's voice sounded very small. "We need you to take Laurene trick-or-treating."  
  
Lacroix's amazement knew no bounds. "*Trick-or-treating?* Now really, Nicholas. You can't actually expect me to take a young girl *trick-or-treating*."  
  
He heard the sigh on the other end. "We *really* need you to take Laurene trick-or-treating."  
  
As if repetition would make this indignity better.  
  
"Absolutely not. Not a chance. Not if you agreed to kill your wife and leave this place with me."  
  
A new voice replaced that of his son. "Uncle Lucien? Please take me. I've got a new costume, and I've been waiting forever to wear it. And now Mummy and Daddy both have to work, and they say you're the only one who can take me. Please Uncle Lucien. I promise to let you win the next time we play Candy Land."  
  
Lacroix sighed. How could he refuse such an appeal, especially the part about winning their next game of Candy Land? (He always cheated to make sure she won. Two thousands years of living makes one very good at card stacking.) He knew he would regret this later, but he sighed and said, "All right. Please put your father back on."  
  
Before she handed over the phone she squealed, "Thank you, Uncle! Thank you! You've made me the happiest girl in the whole world."  
  
Lacroix heard her father's chuckle as he came back on. "She's a great manipulator isn't she? Must take after you."  
  
Lacroix snorted. "Hardly. Who's the one who shamelessly used his child to persuade me to go along with this wretched scheme. What, exactly, is so urgent that both of you must work this evening?"  
  
Nick sighed loudly. "The combination of All Hallow's Eve, and the full moon is apparently too much for the criminals of this town. They started well before sundown, and Reese decreed that all leave is canceled. Everyone is coming to work tonight. Leaving, I might add, way too many disappointed children."  
  
"Way too many minus one, you mean."  
  
"Exactly."  
  
Lacroix wished fervently for a way to get rid of the satisfaction he heard on the other end of the phone. Seeing no last minute way out of his predicament, he asked, "What time should I be there?"  
  
And so, about an hour later, he arrived at his son's house, ready, though hardly willing, to take up his duties. He nearly turned around and left when Nick answered the door with a toga on his arm.  
  
"No! Absolutely not! I will escort my granddaughter on this excess of holiday abandon, but I will not do it in costume."  
  
Nick shrugged as Laurene, dressed in an Aztec priestess costume (right down to the fake obsidian knife) barreled down the stairs. "But Uncle, you must. Daddy was going to go in costume with me as my sacrificial victim. He said you'd never go for that..."  
  
"He was correct," Lacroix inserted.  
  
Laurene continued as if he hadn't spoken, "but that you might go in a toga." She pouted prettily. "After all, it's not as if you've never worn one before."  
  
Lacroix shot his son a look that said, "you will pay for this later," but reluctantly donned the toga and the sandals that Nick produced from behind him. And then he proceeded into the night, wandering the streets of Toronto, young priestess in tow (often brandishing her knife, to the delight of the other obnoxious small monsters), going from house to house like all of the other harried parents, aunts, uncles and grandparents. He sighed yet again. Surely after two thousand years, he deserved better than this.  
  
  
Meanwhile, in the dump on the other side of town, the monsters were receiving their marching orders.  
  
"This is Halloween," the Gromble shouted. "This is our most revered night, the night when all humans are supremely primed for scaring. Get out there all you little creatures and scare! I want this to be a night that everyone will remember. Class dismissed!"  
  
Ickis grumbled as he, Oblina and Krumm marched out of the auditorium. "You remember last Halloween. It was a disaster. I can't face this again so soon."  
  
"Cheer up, Ickis, darling," Oblina purred. "Look at the bright side. Last year was so bad that this year couldn't possibly be worse."  
  
"Yeah, Ickis," Krumm agreed. "And we've had a whole year to get better."  
  
Ickis frowned. "That's easy for you guys to say. Ever since that pool incident the Gromble has been riding me harder than all the rest of you combined." He stopped, lost in thought. "I must come up with something truly spectacular this year."  
  
"Well," Oblina said without stopping. "I certainly hope you come up with something. As for me, I am going to have such a ball. Humans, here I come." And she swept off grandly down the hall, Krumm following.  
  
Ickis squeaked. "Hey, guys! Wait for me. Aren't we all going together?"  
  
Krumm turned back. "Weren't you listening? It's solo night. We've all got to go by ourselves."  
  
Ickis dropped theatrically to the floor. "Great, just great," he moaned. "I'm doomed!"  
  
Oblina had her last parting shot before she disappeared around the corner. "Stop feeling sorry for yourself and get out there."  
  
Ickis ate the bug that was crawling over him and picked himself off of the floor. "Ickis, go scare someone. Ickis, save me from my latest plan gone horribly wrong. Ickis, go save the Gromble's mother. No one truly appreciates me." And with that he headed out of the dump in search of humans to scare.  
  
  
One hour and no successes later (at least no one had yet mistaken him for a rabbit), he turned a corner and saw a man and a little girl dressed as an Aztec coming toward him. There were no other humans in sight.  
  
"This is my chance," he thought to himself. "This will be my greatest scare yet."  
  
He hid behind a bush and began priming himself for the scare. His ears stood straight up. His eyes gleamed an unhealthy red. He grew to three times his normal size. Just as the man and girl came even with his bush, he leaped out with a fearful growl.  
  
Four things happened then to forever shame him.  
  
First, the humans did not run.  
  
Second, the little girl exclaimed, "What a cute costume! What are you, a giant rabbit?"  
  
Third, the man, apparently startled, better than thinking him cute, but not nearly as good as being scared, jumped back a pace and hissed. His eyes glowed yellow, and Ickis was sure he saw terrible fangs.  
  
Fourth, Ickis shrank back to normal size and ran back to the dump as fast as his short legs could carry him.  
  
  
"Uncle Lucien!" Laurene admonished in her high-pitched little girl's voice. "Imagine, being scared by such a cute costume. I'll have to get Mummy to get me that one next year."  
  
Lacroix added this humiliation to his list of reasons for hating Halloween.  
  
Lacroix dutifully escorted his young charge on the rest of her trick-or-treating rounds, endured yet more comments on the, er, nature, of her costume, and finally, with great relief took her home. On the way, he checked periodically for more appearances of the red creature. Unlike Laurene, he felt sure it had not been a kid in a costume (odd resemblance to a rabbit aside).  
  
Nick and Natalie were still at work, and the house was empty. They both changed out of their costumes, and Lacroix stoically supervised the sorting of the candy. He indulgently allowed Laurene two candies over the parentally imposed limit of four. He also allowed her to make the case that a roll of Smarties counted as one candy, though he secretly harbored the suspicion that too many of them would lead to the opposite of the name.  
  
At eight, he sent her up to her bath and waited patiently until she was ready for her story. As he stood over the bookshelves, ready to locate the book of choice, he heard her clearing her throat. "Yes, ma Petit Ange?"  
  
"Could you read _Dracula_ tonight, Uncle Lucien?"  
  
He turned and cocked an eyebrow at her. "Will your parents approve?"  
  
She shrugged. "I guess so. It is Halloween after all."  
  
Lacroix nodded. "I can concede that point. Where is it?"  
  
With almost vampiric speed, she produced it from under her covers and smiled sweetly at him.  
  
"I see you were ready for this," he commented as he sat down and began to read.  
  
He read until the coach clattered up the road to Castle Dracula. Then Lacroix insisted it was time for bed. Laurene protested, but allowed herself to be tucked in and kissed goodnight.  
  
Just as Lacroix descended the stairs, he heard a key at the door and the familiar voice of Nicholas. He hurried to greet his son.  
  
Nick entered, looking tired but pleased.  
  
"Oh, Lacroix. Is Laurene in bed?"  
  
"Just. She persuaded me to read Dracula."  
  
Nick chuckled. "Oh she did, did she? She'sbeen working on me for weeks. Nat thought it a bit old for her." He shrugged. "I didn't care, but I've learned after five years of marriage to not rock the boat." He winked. "Good for you. Now I'll be able to read the rest of it to her. It's always been a favorite of mine."  
  
He started up the stairs to kiss his daughter good night.  
  
"Nicholas," Lacroix spoke as he ascended. "I need to speak with you."  
  
"In a minute, Lacroix."  
  
The older vampire paced until Nick came back downstairs.  
  
"What's up? Didn't enjoy your first trick-or-treating?"  
  
Lacroix shook his head. "Not that. The experience was...tolerable."  
  
Nick chuckled. "That good? What then?"  
  
Lacroix paused, not sure how to put his concerns without sounding ridiculous. "There was this..well, as we were out we saw..."  
  
"Just say it, whatever it is."  
  
"Nicholas. I believe we saw a monster."  
  
Nick frowned. "A monster?"  
  
"A monster. It was red and very large with glowing eyes. I did not find it a bit frightening of course."  
  
"Of course," Nick repeated with a grin.  
  
Lacroix glared at him but continued on. "Its appearance does seem to be a cause for concern in the community. If the humans think that there are monsters in town, well it is not a big jump from monsters to vampires."  
  
Nick shook his head and put a hand on his master's shoulder. "Listen to me, Lacroix. There are no such things as monsters."  
  
  
Across town, in the dump, the Gromble was saying much the same thing to Ickis.  
  
The small red monster burst into the auditorium. The Gromble pointedly looked at his watch. "Back a bit soon aren't you Ickis? You have already performed some excellent scares, I hope." These last words came out with some force.  
  
"Your Grombleness sir," Ickis began. "There are vampires in town."  
  
The Gromble tapped one of his many feet and waited exactly five seconds before screaming, "Of course there are, you foolish monster! It's Halloween!"  
  
Ickis shook his head wildly. "No! No! You don't understand your most nobleness. It wasn't someone in a costume. They were real fangs and his eyes glowed yellow, like this." He demonstrated by making his own eyes glow.  
  
The Gromble didn't seem impressed. "Your eyes are red."  
  
Ickis shrank in on himself. "Well, I mean it would be like that if his eyes had been red or my eyes had been yellow..." He trailed off uncertainly.  
  
The Gromble put an arm around Ickis and walked him to the door. "Listen to me, Ickis. There are no such things as vampires."  
  
He pushed the young monster on his way. "Now, get out there and scare!"  
  
Ickis left, shuffling his feet as he slowly walked to the entrance of the dump. His ears perked as he heard familiar voices. He ran forward. "Krumm, Oblina!"  
  
Oblina's head poked around the corner. "Ickis, darling! What are you doing back so early? I simply must tell you about this most wonderful scare. You see, there was this little girl in a princess outfit, and she was..."  
  
"No time for that," Ickis interrupted. "Come with me. We've got to find him." He started off. Krumm and Oblina looked at each other, shrugged, and followed. As they caught up with him, Krumm asked, "Find who, Ickis?"  
  
Ickis spoke without turning around. "The vampire of course."  
  
Oblina fell back a pace or two, motioning Krumm to do the same. "He's not well, Krumm," she whispered.  
  
"I heard that!" Ickis shouted. He stopped to explain. "I know that the Gromble said there were no such things as vampires, but I know what I saw. He was a vampire!"  
  
"Saw where?" Krumm asked.  
  
Ickis sighed. "Okay, it was like this. I saw these two humans coming along, and I decided I could kind of, you know, get two for the price of one. So I jumped out to scare them, and the guy hissed at me. He had glowing yellow eyes, and these *big* fangs. He was a vampire. I know it!"  
  
Oblina glanced at Krumm. "Well, Ickis, it is..."  
  
"I know! It's Halloween, so it couldn't have been real," he said dryly. Then he continued, real passion in his voice. "But I know what I saw. Are you coming or not? I know where I saw them. Maybe he's still there."  
  
He started off. Krumm and Oblina shrugged and followed.  
  
When they arrived in the neighborhood, Ickis pulled them to one side and whispered, "That's him. That's the vampire. Leaving that house."  
  
Oblina took a careful look at the man in question, now walking along the street. "He looks normal to me."  
  
Krumm rolled one of his eyeballs near for a closer look. "Looks normal to me too. No fangs."  
  
Ickis shook his head. "He had fangs earlier I tell you. I know fangs when I see them. Let's watch and see where he goes."  
  
They followed him a long way.  
  
"What's he doing?" Ickis asked. "Why doesn't he fly or something? Don't vampires do that?"  
  
Krumm responded. "Don't complain, Ickis. If he flew we wouldn't be able to follow him."  
  
Ickis' face fell briefly, but he soon brightened. "Of course, if he flew we'd have proof that he's a vampire."  
  
"But since he's walking, we know he's a human," Oblina complained. "Can't we go back to the dump now, Ickis?"  
  
"Just a bit farther."  
  
Just then the man turned into a bar. Ickis glanced at the sign. "The Raven. Let's go in."  
  
"Ickis," Oblina started. "My feet hurt, and I'm tired. Let's go home. He's done nothing to make me think he's a vampire."  
  
Ickis pleaded. "Just a bit longer. Just five minutes, and then we'll go back."  
  
Krumm and Oblina reluctantly went along. They found a way in through the sewers. "Lovely," Krumm said as they emerged from the toilet. "This place hasn't been cleaned in months."  
  
Ickis glanced around. "Yeah, but it doesn't look like it's been used much either. Weird."  
  
They padded through the basement in search of the man. Ickis glanced around nervously. "I don't know about you guys, but this looks like a vampire sort of place to me."  
  
"Nonsense, Ickis, darling," Oblina said. "It's a perfectly normal basement. Now where did he get to?"  
  
They all came to a corner and peered around. The man was drinking something red out of a bottle. Ickis gasped. "That must be blood!"  
  
Oblina shook her head. "I'm sure it's something quite normal. Koolaid or something like that. Krumm, dear. Toss an eye over to get a better look."  
  
Krumm obliged and soon reported. "Can't be Koolaid. It's too thick."  
  
"All right then. Cherry slushie."  
  
Krumm shook his head. "No freezer in sight."  
  
Ickis began to shiver. "Then it must be blood. See, he really is a vampire."  
  
Oblina started to speak when the man glanced over in the direction of the eyeball. He frowned and began to walk toward it.  
  
  
Lacroix had finally finished his Halloween obligations and retired back to the Raven for some sustenance. On the way to the cellar for a bottle of "house special," he thought he heard the padding of several feet behind him, but each time he turned, he saw nothing. He finally shrugged it off and was in the middle of a bottle of one of his best vintages when he saw something white on the floor near the door. He stepped closer and picked it up. It seemed to be some sort of white ball with a black spot in the middle of it. He started to turn it over when the black spot blinked. He dropped it, and it rolled out into the hallway. When he followed, he surprised three creatures. One was the red creature that had startled him earlier. One was taller and thinner, colored black and white with enormous red lips. The third was short and squat, with no head. It was holding an eye in one hand and reaching down to pick up the ball with the other. They noticed him and jumped.  
  
He started to vamp out to scare them away when suddenly, the red one grew, the black and white one leaped forward to entangle him, and the short one raised his arms. The last thing he remembered was a horrible stench that made him pass out.  
  
  
Ickis and company stood over the vanquished vampire with looks of stunned amazement.  
  
"We did it!" Ickis shouted.  
  
"Quiet, Ickis," Krumm said as he looked wildly around the room for something with which to tie up the vampire. "We don't want to wake him up."  
  
"Quickly," Oblina added. "Tie him up. I don't know how long I can hold him if he's awake. He's very strong."  
  
Ickis handed Krumm something long and thin. "Here. Use this thong."  
  
Krumm glanced at it in confusion but then shrugged and tied up the vampire. Oblina unwound herself and asked, "What now?"  
  
Ickis' eyes developed an evil gleam. "I know. We'll give him a nightmare."  
  
Oblina clapped her hands. "Oh what a wonderful idea, Ickis darling. The Gromble will be sooo proud of you. Imagine that, giving a vampire a nightmare."  
  
Ickis nodded. "I was rather proud of the notion." He began limbering up his finger. "Do you suppose the Gromble will believe me now?"  
  
"Yep," Krumm said. "Now you've got witnesses."  
  
Ickis stepped up to the vampire's head, carefully inserted a finger into his victim's ear and waggled a few times. Then he stood up and dusted off his hands. "There. That should do it. Come on. Let's get back to the dump."  
  
The monsters all chuckled and left their hapless victim behind.  
  
  
Lacroix lost track of how long he drifted in the formless void of dreams. Finally, a light, one which drew him and hurt him at the same time beckoned him forward. He went.  
  
Suddenly, he found himself surrounded by happy children singing a song.  
  
--I love you.  
--You love me.  
--We're a happy family.  
  
Suspicion slowly dawned as he turned to see a purple dinosaur reaching for him. Stunned, he couldn't move, and the dinosaur, also singing, embraced him.  
  
--With a great big hug  
--And a kiss from me to you  
--Won't you say you love me too?  
  
Lacroix recoiled from the embrace, and grabbed the dinosaur. His vampiric strength made short work of snapping the creature in two. He awoke.  
  
Only to see Janette standing over him, smiling seductively.  
  
"Why Lacroix, this is a pleasant surprise," she purred. "How thoughtful of you to tie yourself up for me." She looked more closely at his bonds. "And with a thong, no less. How delightfully kinky."  
  
Lacroix closed his eyes in pain. "Not now, Janette. I must find the creatures who did this to me."  
  
Janette's eyes widened, and she pouted. "Creatures? You mean you didn't do this for moi?"  
  
"Of course not," Lacroix snapped. "This is the work of monsters!"  
  
Janette knelt down beside him and began to undo the buttons of his shirt. "Listen to me Lacroix, there are no such things as monsters." Her hand moved lower, and Lacroix found his thoughts distracted from monsters.  
  
  
******Rest of scene cut to preserve PG rating.******  
  
  
Later that evening, the Gromble was treated to an unusual sight. A human, wearing a World War I gas mask and carrying three of his monsters, Krumm tucked under one arm, Ickis by the ears, and Oblina draped unhappily over the other arm. The man came right up to the Gromble and dropped the young monsters at his feet.  
  
"I believe these are yours?"  
  
The Gromble nodded.  
  
The man continued, removing his gas mask as he spoke. "Do remember the terms of our agreement next time. I deny your existence. You deny ours."  
  
The Gromble shrugged. "I try. But you know how children are, never listening to their elders."  
  
Nick laughed as he left the auditorium. "True enough." He turned back briefly, blue eyes twinkling. "But then, what's Lacroix's excuse?"  
  
The Gromble's laughter followed him out of the dump.  
  
The End  



End file.
